Body Language Flirting — The Casual Touch

Have you had a time where you’re talking to a cute new girl, and you guys seem to have hit it off, and she keeps touching you lightly?  She might brush against you as she walks past, or touch your shoulder as she laughs at something said.  These are all casual body language flirting gestures, and learning to both pick up on them and do them can greatly help you with girls.

First off, just what does it mean when she casually touches you?  Girls are very aware of their proximity to you, and unless they’re falling over drunk, are not going to bump into you unless they’re at least comfortable, if not attracted, to you.  So if you’re walking around a party, and she touches you shoulder to should, or better yet, chest to side, as she walks by, she’s showing interest.

At the same time, there is such a thing as polite, friendly casual touch.  Just because she keeps tapping your shoulder as you guys talk doesn’t mean she has any real sexual interest.  This is a time where it helps to know what type of person she is.  Some touchy-feely girls will do this to any guy they remotely like on a friend level, and in fact it’s this behavior that sometimes gets guy complaining about girls being teases.

What you need to look for is how she touches other men.  If she’s the flirty life of the party type, and you see her joking around with many guys and casually touching them, don’t take it seriously.  On the other hand, if she’s pretty shy and reserved, then even a light shoulder touch speaks volumes.

Another powerful flirty sign to look for is how she reacts when sitting down near you.  If she’s comfortable brushing up against you side to side, or leaning in to you, at the very least she trusts you, and is probably at least a little attracted.

Here’s the tricky part of all this:  while you can put different flirting signs together for a guesstimate on whether or not she likes you, the only absolute of body language is knowing if she doesn’t like you.  Unfair, isn’t it?  Still, you need to give extra weight to a girl’s negative body language signals, at least if you want to avoid embarrassment with peers.

The best way to handle body language flirting signals like the casual touch is as part of a whole.  If a girl likes talking to you and laughs at every she says, while occasionally touching you, and while showing other flirty signs…then it’s on, and you should go for it sooner or later.  On the other hand, if you’re getting mixed signals, wait for the situation to change to make your move.

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Body Language Flirting — All in the Arms

There’s a funny quirk of reading body language in people:  the higher up in the body you go the better conscious control people have, while the lower you go people act more and more involuntary.  This is why a good liar can control his/her face perfectly, but a great one can even control the angle of their feet.  When it comes to reading body language flirting, this means the arms are right in the middle between voluntary and involuntary…and an important part to study.

The first upper body signal to consider is the hands.  When you’re flirting with a girl, is she opening her hands towards you, or closing them off protectively?  One particular gesture that I’d like you to look out for is the hand present:

woman blue heels Body Language Flirting    All in the Arms

Note how here she is bending her wrist and showing her hand.  Imagine the same angle as she sits at a table, with her elbow down and the hand up, pointed at you or off to the side.  This is a clear flirty sign, and one well work watching for.

When a girl is feeling closed off to you–read:  disinterested–she’s instead going to hold her hands inwards towards herself.

woman blue heels closedoff Body Language Flirting    All in the Arms

On a more basic body language angle, the arms can give important signs about her overall mental state.  If she’s crossing her arms, she’s feeling defensive.  That could mean that you’ve done something to make her uncomfortable, or that for whatever reason she doesn’t trust you.  If you’ve just met her it isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, however, if you’ve known her for some time it’s a clear signal of dislike.

Meanwhile, arms wide open is a signal of trust and comfort.  If she’s relaxed into her chair, arms spread out and body presented, she’s effectively showing herself for you to admire.  This is another flirting signal worth being aware of.

Finally, bear in mind that while most girls don’t consciously control their arms, there are some out there who do.  A true playerette can give you signals like this over and over again to get you to do something for her.  At a bar, this can translate to her giving you five minutes of flirting signs followed by asking for a drink.

At the same time, I’ve rarely met girls like this out and about.  It’s worth being aware of, but for the most part, girls are only going to give you flirty upper body signals if they feel some draw towards you, often unconscious.

When it comes to flirting body language, it pays to take note of the arms.  They’re not as 100% revealing as the lower body, but can reveal her interest before she’s even aware of it.

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Women Flirting — All About Tension

Recognizing the signs a girl likes you can be a tricky matter, but it helps if you break it down to the smaller parts.  One key concept is being able to recognize the signals of women flirting with you.

My favorite way is by looking for tension.  This is a sometimes misunderstood word, as most people think it’s negative…but the right kind of tension will do good for your dating life.  

What you want to look for is her being ever-so-slightly nervous around you.  When girls get excited over a guy–AKA when they meet a guy that they like–they will get fidget far more and show more nervous gestures than they usually would.

One classic sign is the hair play.  If you notice a girl twirling the ends of a strand of hair, or if she starts adjusting and pushing her hair back over and over again, she’s showing that right kind of tension.

Other good gestures to look for are adjusting her clothes–especially when she pulls them back and tighter–touching her nose or other parts of her face, and constantly moving her hands or fingers around.

On the flip side, let’s look at how a girl will act when she’s not feeling any tension around you, suggesting that she isn’t attracted to you.  She’ll be more calm and relaxed, will let her hair dangle freely, won’t put any effort in shifting her clothes and body position around to look more attractive, and will generally be chill.  She may even smile more like this, as she feels more at ease.

The key problem here, however, is that she’ll be sending these signs because she’s not feeling it…basically, there’s no indication of women flirting with you here.  You’re as attractive to her as hanging out with her brother.  Harsh, perhaps, but true more often than not…you are far better off with a girl acting tense than one casually relaxed.

Basically, when it comes to signs of women flirting, a little tension goes a long ways.  If she’s seems just a little bit nervous and self-conscious around you, then it’s because she’s feeling a vibe and is showing it.  One funny male-female difference is that guys hate it when a girl makes them nervous…but women actually like that feeling of butterflies in the stomach and excitement.  Learn to appreciate the tension yourself, and you’ll do far better at picking up on the signs a girl likes you.

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Flirting Signs 101

It’s time for a primer on reading flirting signs…which as an art is not so easy as people think.  There are a couple ground rules that you need to keep in mind when reading the signs a girl likes you (or doesn’t, if you’re not on with her that night).

When it comes to reading body language, one important factor is so-called signal clusters.  The idea behind it is that no one signal tells you everything that you need to know, rather, you need to read signals in groups to get an accurate idea.

For an example of why this is, consider this signal:  crossed arms.  Doesn’t sound good, does it?  When someone is crossing their arms while talking to you, it’s telling you that they’re hesitant or otherwise untrusting of you.  Effectively, their guard is up.

At the same time, there is a risk of misreading this signal in some cases.  Let’s say you’re outside of a bar talking to a girl and she crosses her arms…but it’s only 40 degrees outside.  So, she’s probably just cold.  Meanwhile, if she’s crossing her arms, tilting her body away from you, and giving you a thin-lipped smile…she’s showing a signal cluster of being guarded with you.

Now that we’ve gone over the importance of the signal cluster, let’s consider another key part of reading flirting signs:  every girl has a certain range of expressiveness, and how expressive she is makes a huge difference in how significant each signal is.

Here’s an example:
1.  GirlA is a loud, outgoing, fun-loving girl.  She has many guy friends, and enjoys teasing and fake-flirting with them.  Of course, in her eyes they’re all “just friends”

2.  GirlB is a reserved, introverted girl who’d rather watch movies with friends at home than go to the club.  She doesn’t think of herself as flirty, and actually thinks she may not show enough interest to guys that she likes.

Knowing this, let’s say that you see both girls laugh at a guy’s joke and tap him on the shoulder.  This is one of the clear flirting signs, yet, it means far more coming from GirlB than GirlA due to the difference in shyness and outgoingness.  GirlA may in fact regularly do that to her guy friends, meaning that you can’t pay it much mind from her.  At the same time, when GirlB does it, you can read much more significance from it.

This difference gets interesting when you at look at more subdued signals.  Let’s say you see both girls dangle their shoes…this is probably par for the course for GirlA, but doesn’t happen for GirlB.  Which means…you should discount it from the first girl but give it weight from the second.

Hopefully this gives you a good overview of the complexities of reading flirting signs.  There are plenty of individual signals–and we’ll keep going over those one-by-one–but you need to keep in mind the need to read them as a signal cluster, and adjusting for the relative expressiveness of the girl sending the signal.

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Flirting Body Language

When it comes to the subtle art of reading the signals of girl’s flirting body language gestures, there are a number of key signals to look for.  Before we get into that, a few words on reading signs in general.

If you ever compare a list of flirting signals between men and women, there’s going to be a strong trend:  the male signals will fill a chapter, while the women’s would fill a book.  At the same time, girls are also much stronger at detecting signs in general…including what few male signs there are.  That puts us at a competitive disadvantage…but not one that we can’t overcome.

With the background out of the way, let’s look at a few of those flirting body language signals…

1.  Personal Space Invasion
In social settings, we have multiple zones of space around us.  Within 2 feet of us is our intimate zone, where only extremely close friends, family, or lovers can enter.  Going up to 4 feet is the social zone, where we are comfortable with friends or acquantinces.  At 8 feet out we have the public zone, where new people and strangers can interact with us.  There is some variation in that–people in crowded cities are comfortable closer, while rural dwellers want more space–but it’s a good rule of thumb.

One of the most subtle flirting body language gestures is when a girl briefly enters your intimate space, usually only for the span of a second.  This is difficult to detect at first, given how under-the-radar it is, but well worth noting.  Also, I need to emphasize that it really is brief…sometimes only a split second!

There are a couple responses to keep in mind.  First, when a girl does this, never pull back–doing so signals that she made you uncomfortable, and it will hurt the interaction.  Second, her moving into your space temporarily gives you permission to return it, which you should do at an appropriate time, say a minute or two later.  Lastly, be careful in doing this yourself…with many girls you’ll need to be the first to enter her space, but there is a risk of creeping her out if you do it too soon.  Wait for signals that you can get close.

2.  A Fleeting Touch
At any decent sized party or mixer, watch one of the charmers in the room as he/she interacts with new people…as the person they talk to makes a joke or says something witty, often times you’ll see the charmer touch their elbow, tap them on the shoulder, etc.

When it comes to flirting, girls will do the same thing to guys they like.  It will appear utterly innocent, as they casually brush their hand along your arm or even lightly touch your chest.  At the same time, this gesture is full of meaning…girls don’t touch men that they’re not interested in.  When they are around guys that they’re not attracted to, they’ll usually keep their distance so as not to give him the wrong impression.

The rule with casual touches is that girls are hyper-conscious of giving that signal, and will only do it when they’re interested.  Obviously, this doesn’t mean jump them then and there…but it does give you permission to move the interaction forward.

That wraps up two key elements of flirtying body language, which is something that you want to become wise to when interacting with girls.  Consider these two more signs a girl likes you, and use them well next time you meet some new girls.

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