Feb 11
10
Flirting Signs of the Voice
We’ve mostly talked about physical
The first question about her voice is this: how does she normally talk? If she’s usually hyper and excitable, with her voice always animated, and then when talking to you she suddenly gets more quiet and reserved…then odds are she likes you.
The tricky part of this is that some girls are so naturally breezy that they manage to always sound chipper, even when talking to someone they actively dislike. You need to get a baseline on her about whether or not she’s usually like that before deciding.
It helps to remember that when a girl is around a guy she likes, she almost always gets more nervous in some way. Even the smoothest playerette will subtly change, with her voice getting just a touch higher or lower than usual.
Also, most people aren’t that great at faking vocal tones. They can force their words to come out one way or the other, but their true feelings will be betrayed by subtle differences from their baseline.
Another one of the flirting signs to look for is that with both men and women, we exaggerate the differences in male/female speech when we’re around attractive members of the opposite sex. Male voices get lower in pitch, while female voices go higher, heightening the sexual differences for greater effect.
This is usually a difficult sign to read when you’re talking to a girl that you like, but if you ever notice her voice suddenly sounding much higher than normal, then you’re on the right track with her.
The speaking voice can be a source of subtle flirting signs, though reading them is a more advanced skill. I recommend listening for two aspects: 1) if her voice sounds either noticeably more reserved or excited than normal, and 2) whether her voice higher pitched than normal. These two will give you a good indication of whether or not she feels attracted to you.
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Have you had a time where you’re talking to a cute new girl, and you guys seem to have hit it off, and she keeps touching you lightly? She might brush against you as she walks past, or touch your shoulder as she laughs at something said. These are all casual body language flirting gestures, and learning to both pick up on them and do them can greatly help you with girls.
First off, just what does it mean when she casually touches you? Girls are very aware of their proximity to you, and unless they’re falling over drunk, are not going to bump into you unless they’re at least comfortable, if not attracted, to you. So if you’re walking around a party, and she touches you shoulder to should, or better yet, chest to side, as she walks by, she’s showing interest.
At the same time, there is such a thing as polite, friendly casual touch. Just because she keeps tapping your shoulder as you guys talk doesn’t mean she has any real sexual interest. This is a time where it helps to know what type of person she is. Some touchy-feely girls will do this to any guy they remotely like on a friend level, and in fact it’s this behavior that sometimes gets guy complaining about girls being teases.
What you need to look for is how she touches other men. If she’s the flirty life of the party type, and you see her joking around with many guys and casually touching them, don’t take it seriously. On the other hand, if she’s pretty shy and reserved, then even a light shoulder touch speaks volumes.
Another powerful flirty sign to look for is how she reacts when sitting down near you. If she’s comfortable brushing up against you side to side, or leaning in to you, at the very least she trusts you, and is probably at least a little attracted.
Here’s the tricky part of all this: while you can put different flirting signs together for a guesstimate on whether or not she likes you, the only absolute of body language is knowing if she doesn’t like you. Unfair, isn’t it? Still, you need to give extra weight to a girl’s negative body language signals, at least if you want to avoid embarrassment with peers.
The best way to handle body language flirting signals like the casual touch is as part of a whole. If a girl likes talking to you and laughs at every she says, while occasionally touching you, and while showing other flirty signs…then it’s on, and you should go for it sooner or later. On the other hand, if you’re getting mixed signals, wait for the situation to change to make your move.
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There’s a funny quirk of reading body language in people: the higher up in the body you go the better conscious control people have, while the lower you go people act more and more involuntary. This is why a good liar can control his/her face perfectly, but a great one can even control the angle of their feet. When it comes to reading body language flirting, this means the arms are right in the middle between voluntary and involuntary…and an important part to study.
The first upper body signal to consider is the hands. When you’re flirting with a girl, is she opening her hands towards you, or closing them off protectively? One particular gesture that I’d like you to look out for is the hand present:
Note how here she is bending her wrist and showing her hand. Imagine the same angle as she sits at a table, with her elbow down and the hand up, pointed at you or off to the side. This is a clear flirty sign, and one well work watching for.
When a girl is feeling closed off to you–read: disinterested–she’s instead going to hold her hands inwards towards herself.
On a more basic body language angle, the arms can give important signs about her overall mental state. If she’s crossing her arms, she’s feeling defensive. That could mean that you’ve done something to make her uncomfortable, or that for whatever reason she doesn’t trust you. If you’ve just met her it isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, however, if you’ve known her for some time it’s a clear signal of dislike.
Meanwhile, arms wide open is a signal of trust and comfort. If she’s relaxed into her chair, arms spread out and body presented, she’s effectively showing herself for you to admire. This is another flirting signal worth being aware of.
Finally, bear in mind that while most girls don’t consciously control their arms, there are some out there who do. A true playerette can give you signals like this over and over again to get you to do something for her. At a bar, this can translate to her giving you five minutes of flirting signs followed by asking for a drink.
At the same time, I’ve rarely met girls like this out and about. It’s worth being aware of, but for the most part, girls are only going to give you flirty upper body signals if they feel some draw towards you, often unconscious.
When it comes to flirting body language, it pays to take note of the arms. They’re not as 100% revealing as the lower body, but can reveal her interest before she’s even aware of it.
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We’re going to take a step back from looking at physical signs a girl likes you, and instead, take a look at the psychological side. Namely, how much does it matter who contacts who, and how often?
Many times when a guy is wondering if a girl likes him, he’ll take a look at how often they text or Facebook. This definitely gives some clues, but at the same time, is easy misunderstand.
The problem is that some girls are naturally chatty on those mediums…with anyone they consider a friend. So, if Sara is occasionally posting to your Facebook wall, but also posts ten links a day to her various BFF’s, then you can’t take it seriously. At the same time, if she never seems to do anything on Facebook, but is suddenly posting links to YouTube vidoes or the like on your wall, then you can take it as a sign.
Another factor of women flirting is that sometimes they will do “practice runs” on platonic guys that they know. They may be sending you :; and LOL’s galore in their texts, but again, you can’t necessarily take this seriously.
Now, here’s one element that is a good tell: what is the balance of first contact between the two of you? If you’re always the one to send her a text or to start IMing, that tells you something completely different than if she’s regularly the one contacting you.
Anyway, I want to give some practical advice, so after pointing out some of the pitfalls of reading these signs, let’s consider a few rules of thumb:
1. Timing matters. If she always instantly responds to whatever you send, then you’re a priority. On the fliipside, if she’s comfortable ignoring a text from you for eight hours…then you probably don’t rate. As you get to know a girl, you’ll figure out how naturally fast she is at responding, which will give you a baseline to know when she’s more or less into you.
2. Pacing matters. If you send her a single text message and she sends you three back before you get a word in, then she’s seriously investing in you. On the other hand, if you have to send a couple texts for every one that she sends back, then you’re probably not on her radar. Harsh, but true 90% of the time in my experience.
3. The quality of contact matters. She may respond to everything you send her in five minutes or less, but if you’re getting a bunch of texts like “ok lol” then she’s not putting much into you. Generally speaking, she should be writing at least as much as you, and ideally more. If she won’t invest in texts/Facebook/whatever, she’s not likely to invest in person.
To read the signs a girl likes you, keep in mind both the timing and pacing of your communications, as well as the quality. If all of these are strong–ie she gets back to you fast, at least sometimes contacts you first, and gives you substantial responses–then you’re good to go. If one or more of these is missing, then by all means go for it but be cautious for your own sake.
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Dec 10
18
Women Flirting — All About Tension
Recognizing the signs a girl likes you can be a tricky matter, but it helps if you break it down to the smaller parts. One key concept is being able to recognize the signals of women flirting with you.
My favorite way is by looking for tension. This is a sometimes misunderstood word, as most people think it’s negative…but the right kind of tension will do good for your dating life.
What you want to look for is her being ever-so-slightly nervous around you. When girls get excited over a guy–AKA when they meet a guy that they like–they will get fidget far more and show more nervous gestures than they usually would.
One classic sign is the hair play. If you notice a girl twirling the ends of a strand of hair, or if she starts adjusting and pushing her hair back over and over again, she’s showing that right kind of tension.
Other good gestures to look for are adjusting her clothes–especially when she pulls them back and tighter–touching her nose or other parts of her face, and constantly moving her hands or fingers around.
On the flip side, let’s look at how a girl will act when she’s not feeling any tension around you, suggesting that she isn’t attracted to you. She’ll be more calm and relaxed, will let her hair dangle freely, won’t put any effort in shifting her clothes and body position around to look more attractive, and will generally be chill. She may even smile more like this, as she feels more at ease.
The key problem here, however, is that she’ll be sending these signs because she’s not feeling it…basically, there’s no indication of women flirting with you here. You’re as attractive to her as hanging out with her brother. Harsh, perhaps, but true more often than not…you are far better off with a girl acting tense than one casually relaxed.
Basically, when it comes to signs of women flirting, a little tension goes a long ways. If she’s seems just a little bit nervous and self-conscious around you, then it’s because she’s feeling a vibe and is showing it. One funny male-female difference is that guys hate it when a girl makes them nervous…but women actually like that feeling of butterflies in the stomach and excitement. Learn to appreciate the tension yourself, and you’ll do far better at picking up on the signs a girl likes you.
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Dec 10
3
Flirting Signs 101
It’s time for a primer on reading flirting signs…which as an art is not so easy as people think. There are a couple ground rules that you need to keep in mind when reading the signs a girl likes you (or doesn’t, if you’re not on with her that night).
When it comes to reading body language, one important factor is so-called signal clusters. The idea behind it is that no one signal tells you everything that you need to know, rather, you need to read signals in groups to get an accurate idea.
For an example of why this is, consider this signal: crossed arms. Doesn’t sound good, does it? When someone is crossing their arms while talking to you, it’s telling you that they’re hesitant or otherwise untrusting of you. Effectively, their guard is up.
At the same time, there is a risk of misreading this signal in some cases. Let’s say you’re outside of a bar talking to a girl and she crosses her arms…but it’s only 40 degrees outside. So, she’s probably just cold. Meanwhile, if she’s crossing her arms, tilting her body away from you, and giving you a thin-lipped smile…she’s showing a signal cluster of being guarded with you.
Now that we’ve gone over the importance of the signal cluster, let’s consider another key part of reading flirting signs: every girl has a certain range of expressiveness, and how expressive she is makes a huge difference in how significant each signal is.
Here’s an example:
1. GirlA is a loud, outgoing, fun-loving girl. She has many guy friends, and enjoys teasing and fake-flirting with them. Of course, in her eyes they’re all “just friends”
2. GirlB is a reserved, introverted girl who’d rather watch movies with friends at home than go to the club. She doesn’t think of herself as flirty, and actually thinks she may not show enough interest to guys that she likes.
Knowing this, let’s say that you see both girls laugh at a guy’s joke and tap him on the shoulder. This is one of the clear flirting signs, yet, it means far more coming from GirlB than GirlA due to the difference in shyness and outgoingness. GirlA may in fact regularly do that to her guy friends, meaning that you can’t pay it much mind from her. At the same time, when GirlB does it, you can read much more significance from it.
This difference gets interesting when you at look at more subdued signals. Let’s say you see both girls dangle their shoes…this is probably par for the course for GirlA, but doesn’t happen for GirlB. Which means…you should discount it from the first girl but give it weight from the second.
Hopefully this gives you a good overview of the complexities of reading flirting signs. There are plenty of individual signals–and we’ll keep going over those one-by-one–but you need to keep in mind the need to read them as a signal cluster, and adjusting for the relative expressiveness of the girl sending the signal.
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Nov 10
26
Flirting Body Language
When it comes to the subtle art of reading the signals of girl’s flirting body language gestures, there are a number of key signals to look for. Before we get into that, a few words on reading signs in general.
If you ever compare a list of flirting signals between men and women, there’s going to be a strong trend: the male signals will fill a chapter, while the women’s would fill a book. At the same time, girls are also much stronger at detecting signs in general…including what few male signs there are. That puts us at a competitive disadvantage…but not one that we can’t overcome.
With the background out of the way, let’s look at a few of those flirting body language signals…
1. Personal Space Invasion
In social settings, we have multiple zones of space around us. Within 2 feet of us is our intimate zone, where only extremely close friends, family, or lovers can enter. Going up to 4 feet is the social zone, where we are comfortable with friends or acquantinces. At 8 feet out we have the public zone, where new people and strangers can interact with us. There is some variation in that–people in crowded cities are comfortable closer, while rural dwellers want more space–but it’s a good rule of thumb.
One of the most subtle flirting body language gestures is when a girl briefly enters your intimate space, usually only for the span of a second. This is difficult to detect at first, given how under-the-radar it is, but well worth noting. Also, I need to emphasize that it really is brief…sometimes only a split second!
There are a couple responses to keep in mind. First, when a girl does this, never pull back–doing so signals that she made you uncomfortable, and it will hurt the interaction. Second, her moving into your space temporarily gives you permission to return it, which you should do at an appropriate time, say a minute or two later. Lastly, be careful in doing this yourself…with many girls you’ll need to be the first to enter her space, but there is a risk of creeping her out if you do it too soon. Wait for signals that you can get close.
2. A Fleeting Touch
At any decent sized party or mixer, watch one of the charmers in the room as he/she interacts with new people…as the person they talk to makes a joke or says something witty, often times you’ll see the charmer touch their elbow, tap them on the shoulder, etc.
When it comes to flirting, girls will do the same thing to guys they like. It will appear utterly innocent, as they casually brush their hand along your arm or even lightly touch your chest. At the same time, this gesture is full of meaning…girls don’t touch men that they’re not interested in. When they are around guys that they’re not attracted to, they’ll usually keep their distance so as not to give him the wrong impression.
The rule with casual touches is that girls are hyper-conscious of giving that signal, and will only do it when they’re interested. Obviously, this doesn’t mean jump them then and there…but it does give you permission to move the interaction forward.
That wraps up two key elements of flirtying body language, which is something that you want to become wise to when interacting with girls. Consider these two more signs a girl likes you, and use them well next time you meet some new girls.
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Last time we looked at some signs a girl likes you, but the signals go way deeper than what I went over there. We’re going to have a little body language flirting 101 class here, starting with the most subtle tell of a girl: her feet.
I’m being dead serious, for this reason: people have conscious control over the top of their bodies (ie the head), but the lower you go the less easily they can set their body language. For example, I can pretty easily fake my facial expression. It won’t be 100% natural, but I can probably fake it well enough. Meanwhile, if I wanted to control nervous gestures in my hands, I could probably do that too.
What I can’t do is easily control my feet. The lower you look on someone’s body, the less they’re consciously controlling what they do…which makes the feet one of the best places to read sincere signs. With all that background, let’s take a look at what body language flirting signals a girl can send with her lower body:
1. The feet: pay attention to where they point. When we like someone and want to hear them, we turn our feet towards them. When we don’t want to talk to someone yet they insist on talking to us, we’ll turn out feet away from them towards the nearest exit (or person who can rescue us). Seen from far away, it literally looks like the person is getting ready to run away.
In practical terms, every now and then glance at the ground and see where everyone’s feet is pointing. If you’re talking to a girl and her feet are locked towards you, it’s a good sign. On the other hand…if she looks like she’s ready to run to the hills, do yourself a favor and gracefully exit. Especially if she’s using the dreaded thin-lipped smile of polite dismissal 
2. The knees: how a girl bends her knees says a lot about where you are with her. If you’re both sitting down, and she puts one knee on top of the other, it’s a strong flirty signal. She’s showing off her (hopefully) sexy legs, and better yet, it’s generally involuntary–she may aware that she’s being flirty, but she’s not likely to notice that it’s in the legs.
Note the knees crossed. What other flirting gestures are she showing?
3. The shoe dangle: here’s a bonus tip, especially in the days of Summer and sandals. Sometimes you’ll notice a girl hold one leg slightly off the ground, and then let her foot dangle in the air. Oftentimes she’ll also let her shoe slip off the back of the foot, and hover in mid-air. This is another “look at me” gesture that girls are rarely conscious of, but is a strong positive signal to notice.
There’s a quick and dirty primer on body language flirting signals that girls commonly do. The key take-away is watch that lower body–discreetly–for signals that girls cannot easily fake. Also, anytime I’m talking to a standing group, I pay attention to where the feet are pointing…it will tell you at a glance whether they’re into what you’re saying or if they’re eager to end the discussion.
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Nov 10
12
Signs a Girl Likes You
Ah the eternal questions of adolescent teens everywhere: does she like me? Should I ask her out? Should I try to kiss her? Except…as we leave High School and get into the adult world, these questions don’t go away. For many men, recognizing the signs a girl likes you never becomes clear.
Unfortunately for both genders, a girl’s interest is hard to read. I’ve had female friend after female friend complain how she’s made it “so obvious” that she likes so-and-so, but he never makes a move on her or even seems to notice her interest. The problem is that many men never learn how to read the signals of interest…which is backed up by dating studies, which have found that at a crowded bar a woman usually has to make direct flirting moves at an interesting guy three times before he even sees her.
With all that said, this isn’t a matter of it being impossible to see the signs. Men can learn to better read girls, which will open more chances for both genders to connect. OK, enough background, let’s get on to some of the common signs of interest.
Let’s start with meeting strangers. Say you’re at a party, or out at a club, and there are attractive chicks around. Here are some of the signs that one of the girls likes you:
1. Eye contact. Most girls aren’t going to stare you down, but they will coyly glance at you then look away. If her eyes look down or to the sides, consider it interest. If she instead looks up and away from you, proceed with caution–she probably noticed you and then for whatever reason dismissed you.
2. Proximity. One of the clearest signs a girl likes you is when she keeps hanging around you. If you’re talking to a friend of yours, and she just happens to keep “accidentally” brushing up against you…she wants you to talk to her. More subtle girls will sometimes move their friends near you and hover five to ten feet away, waiting for you to notice them and/or catch their eye.
3. Smiling. This one is nice when she does it, but you can’t count on it. Nonetheless, if you’re out and about, and a girl ever looks at you and smiles…she’s interested. Wait a second or two and then find your way over. You’ll rarely see a full-on beaming smile, but a grin or coy half-smile is an equally good sign.
There are tons of signs a girls you, and we’ll be checking at quite a few of those going forward. For now, look out for these three: does she make eye contact, and break it by shyly looking down or away? Does she find ways to stand near you and walk into you? Is she smiling when looking in your direction? As you start to notice these signs, try approaching her then and there…and I bet you’ll get better results than you’re used to.
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Further Reading
This book is the best all-in-one body language guide that I've read, hitting everything from sizing up someone in a job interview to telling when a girl is interested. If you only read one book about body language, check this one out.
This book is completely about reading girls, going over just about every flirty signal they can send along with pictures. It's great for learning more about reading them, though I wouldn't follow the actual pick-up system that she talks about in the book...just read this for more on how to read signals of interest from girls.