Flirting Signs 101

It’s time for a primer on reading flirting signs…which as an art is not so easy as people think.  There are a couple ground rules that you need to keep in mind when reading the signs a girl likes you (or doesn’t, if you’re not on with her that night).

When it comes to reading body language, one important factor is so-called signal clusters.  The idea behind it is that no one signal tells you everything that you need to know, rather, you need to read signals in groups to get an accurate idea.

For an example of why this is, consider this signal:  crossed arms.  Doesn’t sound good, does it?  When someone is crossing their arms while talking to you, it’s telling you that they’re hesitant or otherwise untrusting of you.  Effectively, their guard is up.

At the same time, there is a risk of misreading this signal in some cases.  Let’s say you’re outside of a bar talking to a girl and she crosses her arms…but it’s only 40 degrees outside.  So, she’s probably just cold.  Meanwhile, if she’s crossing her arms, tilting her body away from you, and giving you a thin-lipped smile…she’s showing a signal cluster of being guarded with you.

Now that we’ve gone over the importance of the signal cluster, let’s consider another key part of reading flirting signs:  every girl has a certain range of expressiveness, and how expressive she is makes a huge difference in how significant each signal is.

Here’s an example:
1.  GirlA is a loud, outgoing, fun-loving girl.  She has many guy friends, and enjoys teasing and fake-flirting with them.  Of course, in her eyes they’re all “just friends”

2.  GirlB is a reserved, introverted girl who’d rather watch movies with friends at home than go to the club.  She doesn’t think of herself as flirty, and actually thinks she may not show enough interest to guys that she likes.

Knowing this, let’s say that you see both girls laugh at a guy’s joke and tap him on the shoulder.  This is one of the clear flirting signs, yet, it means far more coming from GirlB than GirlA due to the difference in shyness and outgoingness.  GirlA may in fact regularly do that to her guy friends, meaning that you can’t pay it much mind from her.  At the same time, when GirlB does it, you can read much more significance from it.

This difference gets interesting when you at look at more subdued signals.  Let’s say you see both girls dangle their shoes…this is probably par for the course for GirlA, but doesn’t happen for GirlB.  Which means…you should discount it from the first girl but give it weight from the second.

Hopefully this gives you a good overview of the complexities of reading flirting signs.  There are plenty of individual signals–and we’ll keep going over those one-by-one–but you need to keep in mind the need to read them as a signal cluster, and adjusting for the relative expressiveness of the girl sending the signal.

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